God these people must hate children
Extreme parenting has come to be associated with images of overly involved parents — this generation's stage parents, who manage and control every minute of their child's life, imposing their adult dreams and desires onto the little ones in a pathetic attempt to fuel their own insatiable need for success and recognition. As familiar as this parental profile has become, another form of extreme parenting has emerged, one that is getting harder to ignore. I am referring to the increasingly ubiquitous parenting approach that rejects the use of the word "no," and in which even the most reasonable degree of parental limit-setting is consistently absent.
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EMAIL TO A FRIEND PRINT THIS ARTICLE Discuss this article (16) Most of us have been in social situations where we've observed, with incredulity, a parent bow to the extreme demands of a menacingly persistent child, inches from a tantrum — "Okay, but honey, that's your last package of Twizzlers before breakfast." Worse, many of us too often have been that parent. What is happening here? I thought the Dr. Spock generation put an end to tyrannical rule within family life a few generations ago. It did not. In too many families the tyrant still rules — but today he is much shorter.
How did the power balance in our parent-child relationship become so off-kilter? In what other relationship would we give in to someone we love, as a matter of course, saying "yes" to every demand, every whim, no matter how unreasonable — and expect our emotional connection to remain unharmed? "I know, dear, our new neighbor really is a knock-out, especially in that two-piece. Well, okay, but just this once, and don't be home too late, it's a work night."
On the very far end of the non-confrontational parenting trend, and seemingly designed for Our kid's emotional "immune systems" need exposure to life lessons that involve at least the risk of disappointment.parents who would rather get out of the driver's seat altogether, is an organization called Taking Children Seriously. TCS adherents attempt to parent without infringing upon the children's will. When there's a conflict, they find a compromise between the child's and parent's desires; eliminating the win/lose dynamic. The examples provided on their website seem absurdly idealistic, and impossible for any parent who needs to care for a newborn sibling, meet a deadline or get dinner on the table to implement. Not to mention, this approach seems to overlook the profound limitations of a young child's capacity for reason and impulse control.
Aside from this extreme example, this recent transformation in child-rearing appears to be a twisted, supercharged version of what began benignly as a "child-centered" approach to family life. Its effect on our children is attracting notice — and not just among our in-laws. Several new books have appeared within the last year, each identifying a cultural phenomenon of concern to any of us who are attempting to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted children. If the experts' predictions are on target, we're facing a future filled with overgrown, ill-tempered, and entitled Baby Hueys who will spend their adulthood wondering why they can't sustain an intimate adult relationship or hold down a decent job.
It's not just that many American parents are under-parenting by not setting reasonable limits. Paradoxically, we are also over-parenting by making every effort to ensure that our children are not given the opportunity to fail. At the same time, our pediatricians are urging us to cut back on the excessive use of hand sanitizers and antibiotics (kids need exposure to some germs if their immune systems are going to successfully fight the really bad ones), our child development experts are telling us to stop excessively slathering our children with the word "Yes." Our kid's emotional "immune systems" need exposure to life lessons that involve at least the risk of disappointment, failure or emotional turmoil if they are going to be able to withstand the bigger setbacks and losses they will inevitably face in adulthood.
We just ran a story on Babble.com that tackles what for Generation X has become a taboo subject: discipline.
Kathryn J. Alexander's "The War on No: Is 'child-centered' parenting producing a generation of brats?" says that the emphasis in recent years on making children feel secure has had an unfortunate consequence: kids who have never heard the word "no," and so who are unprepared for the real, "no"-filled world.
She writes:
It's not just that many American parents are under-parenting by not setting reasonable limits. Paradoxically, we are also over-parenting by making every effort to ensure that our children are not given the opportunity to fail. At the same time, our pediatricians are urging us to cut back on the excessive use of hand sanitizers and antibiotics (kids need exposure to some germs if their immune systems are going to successfully fight the really bad ones), our child development experts are telling us to stop excessively slathering our children with the word "Yes." Our kid's emotional "immune systems" need exposure to life lessons that involve at least the risk of disappointment, failure or emotional turmoil if they are going to be able to withstand the bigger setbacks and losses they will inevitably face in adulthood.
We asked Babble readers if they thought kids today were being spoiled; an amazing 89% said yes.
Do you agree? How do you / did you / would you handle your own kids? We touched on this some last week when the Times reviewed the hardcore early Sesame Street and compared it to the much softer fare serve up to today's kids. And this anti-discipline trend seems to go hand-in-hand with the everyone-wins entertainment.
On the playground, we often see parents explaining in great detail to a two-year-old why he can't run out into traffic while the kid stands there blinking in confusion. Personally, we're very adamant about saying no when it's called for, enforcing a bedtime, sending thank-you notes and all those traditional strict-parent things.
And yet, whenever we brag about how well-behaved our son is, we bring down some kind of cosmic jinx on the house and the next day he's all trying to chase the cats and throw baseballs through the window. So for the cats' sake, we won't say we have it all figured out, but we will say we're whole-heartedly committed to raising a good citizen.
Given the attachment-parenting thrust of the current generation and the emphasis on self-esteem and creativity rather than fairness and maturity, sometimes it seems that creating responsible, capable adults isn't currently all parents' first priority.
http://news.aol.com/newsbloggers/2007/11/30/are-gen-x-parents-raising-spoiled-brats/
RATE THIS NOW! + DIGG
+ DEL.ICIO.US
+ MY YAHOO
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EMAIL TO A FRIEND PRINT THIS ARTICLE Discuss this article (16) Most of us have been in social situations where we've observed, with incredulity, a parent bow to the extreme demands of a menacingly persistent child, inches from a tantrum — "Okay, but honey, that's your last package of Twizzlers before breakfast." Worse, many of us too often have been that parent. What is happening here? I thought the Dr. Spock generation put an end to tyrannical rule within family life a few generations ago. It did not. In too many families the tyrant still rules — but today he is much shorter.
How did the power balance in our parent-child relationship become so off-kilter? In what other relationship would we give in to someone we love, as a matter of course, saying "yes" to every demand, every whim, no matter how unreasonable — and expect our emotional connection to remain unharmed? "I know, dear, our new neighbor really is a knock-out, especially in that two-piece. Well, okay, but just this once, and don't be home too late, it's a work night."
On the very far end of the non-confrontational parenting trend, and seemingly designed for Our kid's emotional "immune systems" need exposure to life lessons that involve at least the risk of disappointment.parents who would rather get out of the driver's seat altogether, is an organization called Taking Children Seriously. TCS adherents attempt to parent without infringing upon the children's will. When there's a conflict, they find a compromise between the child's and parent's desires; eliminating the win/lose dynamic. The examples provided on their website seem absurdly idealistic, and impossible for any parent who needs to care for a newborn sibling, meet a deadline or get dinner on the table to implement. Not to mention, this approach seems to overlook the profound limitations of a young child's capacity for reason and impulse control.
Aside from this extreme example, this recent transformation in child-rearing appears to be a twisted, supercharged version of what began benignly as a "child-centered" approach to family life. Its effect on our children is attracting notice — and not just among our in-laws. Several new books have appeared within the last year, each identifying a cultural phenomenon of concern to any of us who are attempting to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted children. If the experts' predictions are on target, we're facing a future filled with overgrown, ill-tempered, and entitled Baby Hueys who will spend their adulthood wondering why they can't sustain an intimate adult relationship or hold down a decent job.
It's not just that many American parents are under-parenting by not setting reasonable limits. Paradoxically, we are also over-parenting by making every effort to ensure that our children are not given the opportunity to fail. At the same time, our pediatricians are urging us to cut back on the excessive use of hand sanitizers and antibiotics (kids need exposure to some germs if their immune systems are going to successfully fight the really bad ones), our child development experts are telling us to stop excessively slathering our children with the word "Yes." Our kid's emotional "immune systems" need exposure to life lessons that involve at least the risk of disappointment, failure or emotional turmoil if they are going to be able to withstand the bigger setbacks and losses they will inevitably face in adulthood.
We just ran a story on Babble.com that tackles what for Generation X has become a taboo subject: discipline.
Kathryn J. Alexander's "The War on No: Is 'child-centered' parenting producing a generation of brats?" says that the emphasis in recent years on making children feel secure has had an unfortunate consequence: kids who have never heard the word "no," and so who are unprepared for the real, "no"-filled world.
She writes:
It's not just that many American parents are under-parenting by not setting reasonable limits. Paradoxically, we are also over-parenting by making every effort to ensure that our children are not given the opportunity to fail. At the same time, our pediatricians are urging us to cut back on the excessive use of hand sanitizers and antibiotics (kids need exposure to some germs if their immune systems are going to successfully fight the really bad ones), our child development experts are telling us to stop excessively slathering our children with the word "Yes." Our kid's emotional "immune systems" need exposure to life lessons that involve at least the risk of disappointment, failure or emotional turmoil if they are going to be able to withstand the bigger setbacks and losses they will inevitably face in adulthood.
We asked Babble readers if they thought kids today were being spoiled; an amazing 89% said yes.
Do you agree? How do you / did you / would you handle your own kids? We touched on this some last week when the Times reviewed the hardcore early Sesame Street and compared it to the much softer fare serve up to today's kids. And this anti-discipline trend seems to go hand-in-hand with the everyone-wins entertainment.
On the playground, we often see parents explaining in great detail to a two-year-old why he can't run out into traffic while the kid stands there blinking in confusion. Personally, we're very adamant about saying no when it's called for, enforcing a bedtime, sending thank-you notes and all those traditional strict-parent things.
And yet, whenever we brag about how well-behaved our son is, we bring down some kind of cosmic jinx on the house and the next day he's all trying to chase the cats and throw baseballs through the window. So for the cats' sake, we won't say we have it all figured out, but we will say we're whole-heartedly committed to raising a good citizen.
Given the attachment-parenting thrust of the current generation and the emphasis on self-esteem and creativity rather than fairness and maturity, sometimes it seems that creating responsible, capable adults isn't currently all parents' first priority.
http://news.aol.com/newsbloggers/2007/11/30/are-gen-x-parents-raising-spoiled-brats/
posted by MissHailey at 9:39 AM
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